i feel totally bored right now
and when i feel bored it makes everything i do feel so wrong
i don't know why but it feels that way
and it makes my mood bad
it turns ugly
i don't know how but it turns so ugly


well today wasn't that bad in the morning
i smile and laugh a lot until tonight when i found out maybe we're not going to that beautiful paradise like place this july
i want to go there so bad you know
i want it so bad i sacrifice my time to go home just for going there
but i was told not to hope much for it
and then i felt so sad that i can't even cry
i don't wanna cry there
i was so happy to meet them today but i don't know something tells me its not right
and tonight i really wanted to go home but i told my parents that i don't need to go home now
and those words that came out from my mouth earlier just made me feel so sick
sick of my own freaking self
why on earth did i say that?
i really wanna go home
i was able to stay here before coz i thought it will be such a waste of money and energy if i go back home coz going to that so called paradise wannabe is not cheap and use a lot of energy
now i don't know why on earth should i stay here
childish right?
i am childish